Herbie has an interview at Dunder Mifflin at 3:00 pm. In order to get him ready for his interview he needed to not only get directions off Google maps, but also he needed to wear a tie. Emily helped Herbie with his tie. Watch the video so you too can get your mini schnauzer ready for corporate America!

I’m 27 years old and I’ve worked office jobs where I’ve needed to wear a tie for 9 years now. It took 9 years, but I can finally tie a tie. Impressive you say? Miracle? Who taught me how to tie a tie? My dad? Nope. Male companion? No. Male friend? No. Priest? No. My girlfriend Emily taught me how to tie a tie. Checkout my video!

If you work in an office like me than you may already know all about blue shirt day. It seems to be a male phenomenon and it’s also the happiest day of the work week. Blue shirt day is the day of the week (which is always at random) where the majority of males all seem to wear a blue shirt on the same day. It almost never fails. When I wear a blue shirt every other guy in the office is dawning a blue shirt. Wearing blue makes you feel good inside, good like the taste of butter and salt all over your white rice, good like a young woman’s hands all over your testicles, good like a poop thats been itching to come out of your bum and good like a fresh clean pair of underwear.

Men don’t have a lot of colors that we are able to wear to the office that will generally lift your mood. If we wear pink we’re gay, white we’re boring, plain & old, black we’re pissed off, red we’re power tripping & green hmm well who wears green except me?! Blue is the color of the ocean, blue is the color of Brad Pitt’s eyes & blue is the color of blueberry’s. These are all things that make us all feel good. Does anyone ever say “I’m feeling blue” anymore? No! You know why? Because that’s an old saying and its lame like Jordache Jeans and Canadian Geese.

It’s nice to know that you’re in this exclusive little “blue shirt club” at work. You give each other high five’s and say things like “Dude you’re wearing my shirt” or “You love wearing the same color as me!”. These are things that create bonds between males and we also know that most males need bonding between each other. Especially when women try and control us. Never let a woman control you because she’ll never respect you and you’ll never respect yourself. If she doesn’t respect you then you won’t get laid and if you don’t get laid you’ll be sexually frustrated and rip up straw wrappers and napkins when you go out to dinner.

Be Merry, Be Cheery, Be Saintful..Wear Blue!

gregg

Dear Target & It’s Customers,

My favorite place to buy groceries is Target. I’ve said that probably like 47 times or so. I don’t know if I have this huge fan base in San Diego and everyone of my fans is going into Target and buying all of my favorite things to eat. This brings me to apple sauce because apple sauce is a necessity for me to take my vitamins in the morning with. I have trouble swallowing those big throat chokers so I use the apple sauce to let them easily slide down my throat. Now all you guys know I can’t swallow (wink wink..you know I had to throw a gay reference to myself somewhere in this blog).

Tell me please who the fuck is actually buying apple sauce these days? If someone is buying it then what are they buying it for? Pork Chops and apple sauce?!? Come on Peter Brady said that back in the 70’s! Are there millions upon millions of people who can’t swallow pills so they use apple sauce?! Especially the people in San Diego do they have this localized problem of swallowing things so they buy their apple sauce at Target.

I like the apple sauce that Target sells in these plastic jars because the apple sauce flows easier out of the jar compared to the glass jars. Also the apple sauce doesn’t get stuck as much on the rim of the jar compared to the glass jars. 1 out of 10 times that I go to buy apple sauce at Target the shit is sold out. If they have anything in stock its that crap thats in the glass jars. That just doesn’t cut it for me. I have sensitive lips & and a sensitive throat. I only buy apple sauce at most maybe once every 3 or 4 weeks. That gives Target plenty of time to stock up on the plastic jarred apple sauce. DO IT! STOCK IT UP! KEEP IT STOCKED! KEEP YOUR STICKY FINGERED KIDS AWAY FROM MY APPLE SAUCE, THEY’LL JUST THROW IT UP ANYWAY!!!

Why don’t you just buy it at the grocery store? FUCK YOU DUDE! HAVE YOU SEEN THE PRICES AT THE GROCERY STORE FOR APPLE SAUCE?!?!? It’s like $4/jar. Target it’s only like $2.29/jar. I barely ever go to the grocery store anyway. Target’s my grocery store. For whoever is buying my damn apple sauce at Target either buy the glass jarred kind or go to the grocery store and get it because you’re fucking with my patience and monotony.

Good Day Sir!

Gregg

With this video I have hopefully rid myself of the stigm; no talent, jackass blogger with no future and no money. I show you how to pick up girls with this video. Just sing’em a sappy love song that you wrote. For instance this song the I perform in this video is called “Massachusetts” and not only did I write it, but it’s also sung by me! YES, it’s me in the video. I know I bare a striking resemblance to Huey Lewis so sorry to disappoint you, but it’s the g-r-e double g.

enjoy!

Champions are usually remembered for a short time, but revolutionaries like Paul Revere & MLK are never forgotten. I like to think of myself as a “Blogging Revolutionary”. I want to do thinks now that when in the future and I no longer blog people will think back to this time and era and remember me for the zany crazy things I would do and write. What good is living if you aren’t remembered? If you haven’t left some kind of mark on this earth then you fucked up!

That’s why I made this video of me drinking water because it’s going to leave you with a memory that you’ll never forget. evvvverrrr.

gregg

This is a must see video. This video will improve your mental stability, sexiness, sight, smell, touch & happiness. Winking can get you a log way in life. Come learn the art of “winking”. Winking can get you far and wide. It can help you pick up a girl, pick a fight or get out of picking up the groceries. Just learn how to wink with me!

This week is my quirky “How to” video week. Each day for 5 days straight I will post a new “how to” video that is 1 minute or less. These aren’t going to be your typical “How to” videos. In these videos I will be showing you how to do things that you already know how to do, but have always wanted to do differently. In hopes that one day you can fit into a better social group of society. No longer will you be the lame stupid head, now you will be a fabulous individual!

Today’s “How to” video is going to delve into the art of “blinking”. Did you know that no two people in the world blink the same? We all blink differently (OK, so I might have just made that up or maybe I didn’t) and I know people have seen me blink and have thought “Wow, Gregg really puts a lot of thought and passion into his blinking. It’s awe inspiring.” Well fuckers today is your lucky day and I am going to show you how to blink like a blogging superstar…ME!

Enjoy!

I didn’t do a post yesterday because I was busy finishing the website for my band The Predicates. The band consists of Erica Putis on vocals and bass and me on vocals and guitar. We are an indie pop rock group and we love pissing off heavy metal rap kids! If you are interested in hearing our music and what not click here and listen to our old stuff and stuff from our soon to be released 3rd album “Wicked Smart”.

Enjoy!

Gregg

If you’ve been visiting my blog for a while then you know my love affair I have with home shopping networks QVC & HSN. I wrote a post a while back about QVC host David Venable and how he is my favorite home shopping TV host. Well it looks like not only does Mr. Venable have some company in the fight of who my favorite TV shopping network host is but he also has some competition in who is the most gay!

I was recently watching HSN then other day when this fruity interesting dude named Bill Green came on. He was selling gems and even though thats the thing I dislike watching the most on the shopping networks he grabbed my attention like Mike Honcho grabbing my nut with one hand. I don’t know if was his sassy little voice or his feminine mannerisms, but he won me over like a girl watching a Brad Pitt film.

I wrote Bill Green this email today:
Dear Bill Green,

I recently saw you on HSN and you seem to be a new host. I’m not the typical demographic that HSN usually has and that being married 30-60 year old female. I am quite the opposite actually, 27 year old single male. Anyways lets get back to the good stuff. I found you to be interesting, charismatic & honest. If I were a host I’d be like you or David Venable who is on QVC. You guys are my favorite hosts to watch. Without continuing to bore you with this fluffy email could you please mail me an autographed photo of yourself. I’d put it on my fridge next to my David Venable autographed photo. You can mail it to

gregg oconnell
XXX xxxXXXXX
san diego, CA

thx
hugs n kisses
gregg

I’m hoping he comes through or else my life will feel a little imcomplete just like Dirty’s.

Erica’s birthday isn’t until June 12, but that didn’t stop us from celebrating her and I quote “Most fun birthday party ever”. We took her to Harney Sushi which is in an area of San Diego called “Old Town”. This is where a lot of Mexican restaurants are so don’t ask me why a Japanese restaurant would want to be there. After dinner most of us went to see The Raveonettes concert at the Casbah.

The dinner was a blast and so was the concert! Checkout the photos and videos as proof! Look especially at the cake photos, it was a “special cake”. Click here for slideshow

gregg

I am selling a $25 iTunes Gift card that was donated by my friend Becca. All proceeds will go towards Stowie’s medical bills.
I’m looking to sell it for at least $20. If you’d like to purchase it click here

Pick one (or all) of the photos below and edit them in anyway you see fit. You can make them funny, serious, cool, hip, indie, gay, straight, sexy or whatever…just do it. What does the winner get? The satisfaction of knowing they are a super talented photo editor! Email your photo edits to me at greggoconnell@gmail.com

photo 1
photo 2
photo 3
or go through one of my 455 photos with me in it

I will put all and I mean ALL entries on this post!
Have fun!

#7 Gregg going over Niagara Falls by Reigning Frogs

#6 Mr. and Mrs. Lime by Lime

#5 WARNING EXTREMELY GRAPHIC: Bad Doggy by Lime

#4 Twins by Wormbrain

#3 EXTREMELY GRAPHIC CLICK HERE IF YOU WANT TO SEE SOME GAYNESS courtesy of Mike Honcho

#2 Devil Gregg by Erica AP

#1 Afro Italian Gregg by Lime

gregg

After watching mobster movies and seeing them eat delicious Italian dishes and deli meats I fell into a hole I couldn’t get out of. Commercials that show between breaks in shows need to go the way of the dinosaur. Commercials should now be fully implented into TV shows and movies. I know when I see someone drinking a Pepsi in a movie I crave a nice sugary cola. The mobster movies weren’t even trying to sell me on Italian food and they won me over.

I haven’t desired anything that strong in quite a while, not sex, not balls, not chocolate & not even my beloved internet. Yesterday I broke down and ordered lasagna, meatballs & garlic bread. I got home to dive into a little slice of Italian heaven and what do I see or should I say what did I NOT see? Those muthafuckas forgot my damn meatballs!!! I was craving a ball of meat rolling around my tongue as I sucked off the sauce and basked in the taste of full flavored beef. “OK, so they forgot my meatballs I’ll just enjoy my lasagna and garlic bread.” I said to myself. Now either this place, which is kind of a hole in the wall has awesome lasagna or I was craving lasagna so badly that anything with red sauce and imported Italian cheeses would taste like an orgasm in my mouth. God damn this lasagna was so delicious that I am really tempted to go back there today and order my favorite “Tortellini w/pesto sauce and a meatball.” We’ll see though, either way I definitely got what I wanted and thats what my mom said should always happen for me!

Did you guys eat anything Italian yesterday after reading my post on mobster movies or maybe you watched a mobster movie?

Mobster movies like Godfather and TV shows like Sopranos make me want to eat lasagna, meatballs, sausage, spaghetti, garlic bread and so forth. If I watched mobster movies on a daily basis I’d probably weigh an extra 20 lbs and be dating a nice Italian girl named Cecilia. Mobsters always have these back room meeting spots at deli’s and Italian restaurants. I want eat the imported cheese and salty delicious gourmet deli meats. I want to bask in the smell of homemade meat sauce & fresh bread. I want to dress up in a suit while I eat some mom and pop restaurant.

OK I need to get back to my burrito…

gso

UPDATED: the winner of the iTunes gift card from the people that have donated money towards Stowie’s medical bills is none other than Christina Trachtenberg Thank you to everyone that has donated so far!

It’s becoming a ritual for me of visiting Disneyland on a yearly basis. I went last year with my mom and Emily and I went this year with Bill, Michelle & Emily. That should now constitute as a ritual since it was 2 years in a row and a ritual is defined as “an established or prescribed procedure for a religious or other rite.” That seems about right…right?

Disneyland is like 90% for kids and 10% for adults. The 10% for adults is made up of Space Mountain, Splash Mountain, the deadly train ride where people seem to pass away occasionally & the McDonald’s fries near the Pirates of the Caribbean ride which provide a sense of reality to an otherwise whimsical land.

They updated The Pirates of the Caribbean ride since the newest movie came out but I wouldn’t get all excited in my pants about it. They have Captain Jack Sparrow pop out like 3 times and they have a hologram of the bad pirate dude. It’s basically like if Burger King said that with every burger purchased you now got 3 free individual french fries. It’s nice, but it’s nothing special. It just leaves you wanting more, kinda like blue balls.

One of the most fun rides at Disneyland is the Buzz Light Year ride where you shoot shit and you’re shooting produces a score.
At the end of the ride you can send a photo of yourself that the ride took of you to your email address. This couple in front of us while we were waiting in line were telling us how to get a super high score. The secret to a high score is too shoot the big bad bad guy in the chest where there is no bullseye. I guess there is some hidden secret bullseye that when shot gives you 50,000 points. Pretty amazing huh? Impress family, friends & other space dorks!

Well if you’re really itching to go to Disneyland I suggest you go. For me the most enjoyable part of it was walking around the park and taking in the atmosphere that Disney sells you. Shocking for me was how much I enjoyed the parade of Disney characters at 3:00 pm. Parades are for women, children and…. uhhh yeah I thought so maybe I shouldn’t have shared that last sentence.

gso

Let me first thank everyone that donated money to help with Stowie’s medical bills. We’ve raised $445 so far and it seems like every couple hours someone new donates some money. It’s really been amazing at the feedback and support that people have been giving.
Almost everyone that has donated to Stowie hasn’t even met him and that really shows how awesome and caring you guys are towards animals.

Stowie came home today after 4 days and 3 nights in the animal hospital. He is on about 4 different kinds of medications, he is kinda weak and wants to lay down a lot. He has a patch on his neck that feeds him pain killer medication. He’s in a lot better shape than he was a few days ago & he’s a lot more alert.

Here’s a 2 year old video of Herbie and Stowie @ the beach

I’ll keep you guys updated on how Stowie is doing as time goes on. If you’d still like to donate you can send paypal to eputis@hotmail.com or click here.

I’ll be doing the $20 iTunes giftcard raffle for everyone that donated money on Sunday.

gregg

P.S. Sorry I haven’t made that video of me answering questions yet but thinks have been hectic the last couple of days. I’ve been visiting and watching Stowie up until almost the hour I go to bed. I will do the video this weekend I know you all are dying to see my video! right?!