Jul 16

Get Away From My Gum!

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There’s always the people at work that always have gum, candy or some other kind of snack at their desk. That’s when their desk becomes a designated rest stop for all other employees. The employees that stop at these peoples desks do nothing, but take take take! I am one of these rest stops at my job. I ALWAYS have gum at my desk and anyone who is anyone that I work with makes it a point to stop at my desk and take my precious gum. I go through about a pack a week. If you’re like me and frequent Target everyweek you’ll know that gum doesn’t come cheaply especially after the great gum base debacle in South America. It costs $1.99/3 pack. That’s expensive if you do the math times 52. It’s something like $35/year in gum. That’s like working 2 hours a year just to pay for gum.

What am I whining about gum for? Don’t I have anything better to write about? Fuck no I don’t have anything better to write about! Plus There’s this one guy at work that always takes my gum and never replaces it. I don’t want to say any names so lets just call him Bill Kutters (stupid made up redneck name right?). Well “Bill” makes it his Godly duty to stop by my desk at least 3 times a day to steal a piece of my precious gum. I’ve tried pressuring, bullying, flirting & blackmailing Bill into replacing what he steals. He venomously will not comply with my request. So one day while I was running low on reserves for gum I decided to play a trick on that tall, skinny, cheap motherfucker. I took all the gum out of the package and inserted two little sticky notes with a friendly little saying as you can see in the photo in this post. Next time he’ll know not to fuck with my gum without replacing.

gregg

14 Comments so far

  1. Erica AP July 16th, 2007 8:46 am

    You are so tough.

  2. gregg o'connell July 16th, 2007 9:04 am

    Erica: how could you even doubt my intensity?

  3. Erica AP July 16th, 2007 10:29 am

    I don’t know… I don’t know…

  4. kyle July 16th, 2007 3:23 pm

    I applaud you for your modern savagery. Tell bill to eat it. I would have poisoned his cornflakes, or hid his car keys. But you, you took it to a different level.

  5. gregg o'connell July 16th, 2007 4:32 pm

    erica: well you should “know…know..whhooa whooa whooa”

    kyle: if i hide his car keys he’ll hide my precious ipod on me

  6. dirty July 16th, 2007 6:53 pm

    Just think of yourself as the good breath fairy.

  7. gregg o'connell July 16th, 2007 7:16 pm

    dirty: or as everyones bitch

  8. grammar police July 16th, 2007 7:21 pm

    Jeebus Gregory. You are whining about someone sharing your frickin gum, after all the times you have mooched WHOLE MEALS off the rest of us?
    Bill you can take my gum, I won’t get all pissy about it.

  9. gregg o'connell July 17th, 2007 4:34 am

    grammar police: can he take your pride as well? cause mines lost in the abyss

  10. hypocrite July 21st, 2007 8:28 am

    WHy do you bring 12 packs to work then?? Bring one, keep it in your pocket, problem solved.

  11. gregg o'connell July 21st, 2007 8:59 am

    hypocrite: i [rovide gum as a service that should be replaced back with gum. WHAT!

  12. cc1904 July 26th, 2007 2:53 pm

    I think his name is Barefoot Billy Kutters…

  13. gregg o'connell July 27th, 2007 8:25 am

    captain: arrrgghhh good eye captain

  14. car insurance volvo September 22nd, 2007 12:17 am

    car insurance volvo…

    jaded landscape,informality interpolated …

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