In what was being planned for several months in advance, Q of D and greggoconnell.com were to meet face to face, eye to eye, crotch to crotch for the first time ever in “real life”. Q of D was planning to head down to my stomping ground of San Diego to enjoy a fun filled weekend with her girlfriends. They were to indulge in many different kinds of alcohol, sweets, salty snacks & the freshest seafood around. EricaPutis.com & I were to meet up with Q of D in Mission Beach on Saturday night where she was staying at her $5,000/night suite.

I texted Q of D early on Saturday Night that we would be meeting her at her suite at around 5 or 6 pm. She responded with much hair spray queeness “Rock on, see you soon!”. Great I thought, this is going to work out well and should be fun. Hell I was thinking to myself maybe I’ll even get some scandalous photos of her doing something crazy that I can hold for ransom that way I can get that new Apple laptop I’ve been longing for. As 6pm rolled around Erica called me and said she was running a little late. I then sent another text to Q of D telling her that we would now be there around 7 ish. She again responded in all her 1980’s hair metal madness “Rock on, hurry up!” Her tone in this second text seemed a bit more aggressive and dare I say “drunk”.

Erica & I had a little trouble finding her suite so I had to call her a couple of times. During one of the call for directions she asks “Is Erica OK with me being completely drunk…” I was like “Yeah she loves drunk 30 somethings….so no worries”. We finally found her place. Now remember I literally called her the last time maybe 5 or 10 minutes before we actually got there and she was pretty coherent and not too slutty sounding. We arrived at her suite and she wasn’t outside like she previously said she was so I called 5 TIMES!!! Left a voice mail and nothing. After waiting for seemed like a day or two she finally calls me or so I think. All excited and ready to party like any non-alcoholic drinking male I respond with much excitement “HI, STEPH (her real name)!!!”. The voice that responded shortly after was like “Uhhh this is her cousin Jennifer and Steph is kind’ve not able to come to the phone…SHE’S PASSED OUT DRUNK!”. My heart sank and my dreams of scandalous photos and a new Apple laptop sank into my stomach as I’d just eaten an onion from Mexico that’s contaminated with one of the field workers poops.

I woke this morning and received this email from Q of D

“Hey guys,

I am so sorry about last night. When 5PM passed and we hadn’t seen you, we kind of figured that you might not come and we kind of cut loose, so the condo owner (who lives behind the unit we were renting) started bringing out bottles and bottles of wine. Do I need to tell you what happened?

In short, by the third (or was it the fourth?) phone call I was actually asleep in bed. Ok I was passed out. I didn’t even know my own name. I am sooooooo sorry.”

Q of D you owe me…a hug, a handwritten apology letter, a scandalous photo, a hamburger, a hot dog & a date in the future. I’m hurt, visibly shaken and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to trust anyone else again, especially a blogger in her 30’s.

Sleepless in San Diego,
Gregg

I recently purchased an iPod Touch via selling my Nintendo Wii. I’m a sucker for anything new and exciting in technology especially if Apple makes it. If you don’t know what an iPod Touch is you’re a freaking lame ass, non-tech news watching, cockface gremlin!

It’s basically (thanks Bill Herzog for that word) an iPhone without the phone. You don’t know what an iPhone is? God you’re fucking useless on earth and should just go live in the woods and trap helpless raccoons and rodents and live off berries an bark! Everything you do on the iPod Touch is by touching the screen (except hitting the Home key). You type on the screen, you slide on the screen, etc. I really fucking love it and makes me feel like I have a reason to live again. I don’t think Apple thought they were saving peoples lives when they created the iPod Touch. I totally had my suicide letter written, along with my will on paper, but once I saw the iPod Touch I burned both of those pieces of paper in my Marble in cased fireplace.

I can surf the internet, watch Youtube videos, do my math homework (calculator), watch movies and TV shows, look at photos, listen to music, buy music wirelessly & a couple of other things. It’s the most fun wireless device since my mom got me a dildo iPod video 2 Christmases ago.

I made a video for you enjoyment and envy. you’re welcome!

gregg

And you thought I was just some no-name blogger with a cute face! I’m obviously more versatile than you thought. My photos are now as infamous as my words.

I received an email from an artist by the name of Lee Wilde.

“Hi Gregg

I thought you might find this amusing…I did a painting based on your photo, “Thizz Face” which you posted on Flickr. I’m afraid it does not look much like you anymore…I was more interested in trying to capture the expression.”

I think the painting kind of looks like me an Italian wise guy mobster doesn’t it?

gregg

I went outside to let my dogs go the bathroom and I saw Herbie smell something so I decided to look at what he just smelled. It was none other than 2 wrinkly middle aged dollar bills. It’s kind of cheesy, but I always dream of finding a large wad of cash on the ground. You know like $5,000 or something. Sure, it’s probably drug money, but with that drug money I could pay off some bills, buy a new computer, get some new clothes, pay some people back & even drop a couple dollar bills on the ground! Maybe I’d even give some of you cockface gremlins some of it if you did something to deserve it like make a naked video?!

I remember in my childhood finding $5, $10 & even one time a $20 bill, but nothing thats going to help me retire soon. Where do you think “large wad holders of cash” lose their money? They probably lose in strip clubs and casinos not suburban San Diego neighborhoods at the end of streets where dogs go pooh?!?!?

Well with the newly inherited $2 I’m going to buy my dogs some doggie treats since Mr. Herbie Schnauzerberg found it! Or maybe I should find the rightful owner? Put my flyers and post it notes on cars to see who lost $2!

gregg

I’ve been working on my cuss words and phrases a lot lately and I’d love to share some of them with you

instead of calling someone a “dickhead” you call them a “Cockface Gremlin”. Pretty cool huh?!

Instead of the regular boring way of saying “Asshole” you say it like my mom who has a very thick Boston accent “Ahhsshole”..go ahead try it out..felt good didn’t it?

Instead of “Fuck” how about saying “Fuckah” haha Emily told me this one yesterday and its quite splendid. Say it with a FOB (Fresh Off the Boat) accent though!

How about this one “Asshat” Does that sound like the meaniest word anyone could ever call you?! haha thanks Trevor!

What are your favorite cuss words/phrases?

gregg

I’ve been trying to grow my hair out for what’s been like 3 months now and the motherfuckin shit still hasn’t reached my eyes. When you don’t want your hair to grow it grows faster than Peter North and when you want it to grow it grows slower than my bank account. Where’s the love from the hair Gods?! Maybe I need to go outside and make a sacrafice to the hair Gods, but what kind of sacrafice would they want? An old comb? a bottle of hairspray? Shampoo? Conditioner? A slutty young woman? A pimple faced teen? WHAT!? WHAT?! WHAT!? I KNOW WHAT THEY WANT!!! A Wig! What man or woman doesn’t want a long blonde wig?! I know I’ve wanted one before.

I can’t go on living in this “in between” hair stage. I’m trying to put the rawk in my hair and instead it looks like I’m trying to make Ben Seavers mushroom cut come back into style. Or was that ever in style? Either way I need it to grow about 3 inches longer! I’m such a torchered soul.

gregg

Well as the unofficial last day of summer (Labor Day for USA) has come and is about to end things are about to change. It’s kind of like the first day of school for you. You’ve got your new clothes on, new sneakers, new haircut, new books, new homeroom, new everything. My blog needs something new! Soon to come will be a new design, new banner, new photo, new blogger idol?!?!
This new design will all come in due time so hold your fucking horses you cock face gremlins!

You know what sucks? My fucking laptop! It’s lame and I’ve been itching my crotch for a long time now for a Apple Macbook. I’m going to take some a major drastic steps to fucking get one! What am I going to do you ask? I’m selling my Playstation 3, Nintendo Wii, old cell phone, cable modem, used ball smelling underwear, etc…. haha that last one was nassssssssty!
What can you do if you don’t want to buy a piece of my history? Well you do know that I make money if you click on the google adsense banner links over on the right hand side of my page right? Click’em!!! I’ve accumulated $89.00 and they pay after $100!
Don’t be a cock face gremlin!!!

Welcome back to school! and make sure to go see my band The Predicates play!

gregg