Sep 30
Queen of Dysfunction vs. greggoconnell.com: Tale of the Flakey Drunk
In what was being planned for several months in advance, Q of D and greggoconnell.com were to meet face to face, eye to eye, crotch to crotch for the first time ever in “real life”. Q of D was planning to head down to my stomping ground of San Diego to enjoy a fun filled weekend with her girlfriends. They were to indulge in many different kinds of alcohol, sweets, salty snacks & the freshest seafood around. EricaPutis.com & I were to meet up with Q of D in Mission Beach on Saturday night where she was staying at her $5,000/night suite.
I texted Q of D early on Saturday Night that we would be meeting her at her suite at around 5 or 6 pm. She responded with much hair spray queeness “Rock on, see you soon!”. Great I thought, this is going to work out well and should be fun. Hell I was thinking to myself maybe I’ll even get some scandalous photos of her doing something crazy that I can hold for ransom that way I can get that new Apple laptop I’ve been longing for. As 6pm rolled around Erica called me and said she was running a little late. I then sent another text to Q of D telling her that we would now be there around 7 ish. She again responded in all her 1980’s hair metal madness “Rock on, hurry up!” Her tone in this second text seemed a bit more aggressive and dare I say “drunk”.
Erica & I had a little trouble finding her suite so I had to call her a couple of times. During one of the call for directions she asks “Is Erica OK with me being completely drunk…” I was like “Yeah she loves drunk 30 somethings….so no worries”. We finally found her place. Now remember I literally called her the last time maybe 5 or 10 minutes before we actually got there and she was pretty coherent and not too slutty sounding. We arrived at her suite and she wasn’t outside like she previously said she was so I called 5 TIMES!!! Left a voice mail and nothing. After waiting for seemed like a day or two she finally calls me or so I think. All excited and ready to party like any non-alcoholic drinking male I respond with much excitement “HI, STEPH (her real name)!!!”. The voice that responded shortly after was like “Uhhh this is her cousin Jennifer and Steph is kind’ve not able to come to the phone…SHE’S PASSED OUT DRUNK!”. My heart sank and my dreams of scandalous photos and a new Apple laptop sank into my stomach as I’d just eaten an onion from Mexico that’s contaminated with one of the field workers poops.
I woke this morning and received this email from Q of D
“Hey guys,
I am so sorry about last night. When 5PM passed and we hadn’t seen you, we kind of figured that you might not come and we kind of cut loose, so the condo owner (who lives behind the unit we were renting) started bringing out bottles and bottles of wine. Do I need to tell you what happened?
In short, by the third (or was it the fourth?) phone call I was actually asleep in bed. Ok I was passed out. I didn’t even know my own name. I am sooooooo sorry.”
Q of D you owe me…a hug, a handwritten apology letter, a scandalous photo, a hamburger, a hot dog & a date in the future. I’m hurt, visibly shaken and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to trust anyone else again, especially a blogger in her 30’s.
Sleepless in San Diego,
Gregg
16 Comments so far
Leave a comment
If she has that much money to throw around in a condo, maybe she can just buy you a new Apple laptop (which are piles of shit btw).
mike: thats what I’m saying dude! i need to buy the domain name “HelpGetGreggaMacbook.com
Actually, the condo was a trade for Taco Bell tacos and wasn’t that nice. Seriously, after a while I figured that the hook wasn’t going to happen so when the wine started to flow, I… well I pretty much drank until I passed out. Which doesn’t take much for me. I don’t know what to say to you and Erica, except I’m sorry and the wine made me do it.
Q of D: maybe the wine will make you take us to dinner next time your in SD…God I missed you!
I love her even if she drank too much wine. Next time I’ll be right with her drinking too much wine, and maybe some cheese??
man i hope that i never come done there and then miss our date.. i don’t think you’d ever speak to me again.
Gregg, the wine could totally make me take you to dinner and maybe even make me give you a piggy back ride. I had little gifts for you guys, so I will just mail them down.
P.S. - Next time you should just have Jenn drag my carcass out of bed and throw me onto the sidewalk. I wouldn’t have been much company but at least you could have posed me and taken photos.
erica: I like a nice gouda cheese
Julianne: do you even speak American anyway??? don’t you speak Canadian…Ehhhhh?!?!
QofD: nice! i love gifts! I hope its some photos of you at the donkey show from last year!!!
I used to do tech support for an american company, so i’m fluent in both american and Southern
whats southern?
and you call your self an american.. southern as in the southern states.. Alabama, Louisana, Texas, all down in there.
Julianne: i thought you meant “southern canada” haha
no sweety… we don’t have a southern Canada… I guess you could compare Quebec with the south, but there is more french being spoken and more smoking being done
Gregg, gifts are on their way. There is one for you. One for Erica. And one for you two to share. Oh! And share with Emily too!
QofD: you didn’t have to get us gifts!!!! ….ok i’m not gonna lie you really did in order for us to trust you again
thanks
Actually Gregg it wasn’t so much for you as it was for Erica. I mean, you’re taken and all but Erica? (sigh) She’s a blog goddess.
Actually, the tidbit I got for her was purchased before I even came down while I was at a BB King concert. Yours was picked out of a gutter.
I kid! I kid!