along with a few other tunes.

Yes I recorded this ..like my laugh?

I recently purchased an iPod Touch via selling my Nintendo Wii. I’m a sucker for anything new and exciting in technology especially if Apple makes it. If you don’t know what an iPod Touch is you’re a freaking lame ass, non-tech news watching, cockface gremlin!

It’s basically (thanks Bill Herzog for that word) an iPhone without the phone. You don’t know what an iPhone is? God you’re fucking useless on earth and should just go live in the woods and trap helpless raccoons and rodents and live off berries an bark! Everything you do on the iPod Touch is by touching the screen (except hitting the Home key). You type on the screen, you slide on the screen, etc. I really fucking love it and makes me feel like I have a reason to live again. I don’t think Apple thought they were saving peoples lives when they created the iPod Touch. I totally had my suicide letter written, along with my will on paper, but once I saw the iPod Touch I burned both of those pieces of paper in my Marble in cased fireplace.

I can surf the internet, watch Youtube videos, do my math homework (calculator), watch movies and TV shows, look at photos, listen to music, buy music wirelessly & a couple of other things. It’s the most fun wireless device since my mom got me a dildo iPod video 2 Christmases ago.

I made a video for you enjoyment and envy. you’re welcome!

gregg

Herbie has an interview at Dunder Mifflin at 3:00 pm. In order to get him ready for his interview he needed to not only get directions off Google maps, but also he needed to wear a tie. Emily helped Herbie with his tie. Watch the video so you too can get your mini schnauzer ready for corporate America!

I’m 27 years old and I’ve worked office jobs where I’ve needed to wear a tie for 9 years now. It took 9 years, but I can finally tie a tie. Impressive you say? Miracle? Who taught me how to tie a tie? My dad? Nope. Male companion? No. Male friend? No. Priest? No. My girlfriend Emily taught me how to tie a tie. Checkout my video!

With this video I have hopefully rid myself of the stigm; no talent, jackass blogger with no future and no money. I show you how to pick up girls with this video. Just sing’em a sappy love song that you wrote. For instance this song the I perform in this video is called “Massachusetts” and not only did I write it, but it’s also sung by me! YES, it’s me in the video. I know I bare a striking resemblance to Huey Lewis so sorry to disappoint you, but it’s the g-r-e double g.

enjoy!

Champions are usually remembered for a short time, but revolutionaries like Paul Revere & MLK are never forgotten. I like to think of myself as a “Blogging Revolutionary”. I want to do thinks now that when in the future and I no longer blog people will think back to this time and era and remember me for the zany crazy things I would do and write. What good is living if you aren’t remembered? If you haven’t left some kind of mark on this earth then you fucked up!

That’s why I made this video of me drinking water because it’s going to leave you with a memory that you’ll never forget. evvvverrrr.

gregg

This is a must see video. This video will improve your mental stability, sexiness, sight, smell, touch & happiness. Winking can get you a log way in life. Come learn the art of “winking”. Winking can get you far and wide. It can help you pick up a girl, pick a fight or get out of picking up the groceries. Just learn how to wink with me!

This week is my quirky “How to” video week. Each day for 5 days straight I will post a new “how to” video that is 1 minute or less. These aren’t going to be your typical “How to” videos. In these videos I will be showing you how to do things that you already know how to do, but have always wanted to do differently. In hopes that one day you can fit into a better social group of society. No longer will you be the lame stupid head, now you will be a fabulous individual!

Today’s “How to” video is going to delve into the art of “blinking”. Did you know that no two people in the world blink the same? We all blink differently (OK, so I might have just made that up or maybe I didn’t) and I know people have seen me blink and have thought “Wow, Gregg really puts a lot of thought and passion into his blinking. It’s awe inspiring.” Well fuckers today is your lucky day and I am going to show you how to blink like a blogging superstar…ME!

Enjoy!

Below is the speech transcript in case you can’t understand my slurred words. enjoy.

Hello. I want to take the time to thank each and every one of you today for the incredible progress we have made on this blog to date. i truly believe in our motto, “it’s the people”, and without you this blog couldn’t have been the success it is today. i am so inspired by the effort each of you has put into this blog from commenting to gay bashing, and as we move forward into this next phase, the next chapter of this blog i call “me”. this where we take our successes and failures in stride like a Thoroughbred horse who will be shot if he doesn’t keep winning. its the brutality of this industry that makes us all work harder and sometimes sacrifice our own needs and wants from my needs and wants. we can’t be the best if we don’t copy the best. i believe that growth and great writing is the recipe for success. follow my lead and i will lead the way.

synergy is a word underutilized as a means to describe the community of blogs. it’s truly awe inspiring to watch each of my fellow bloggers grab hold of the mighty digital canvas and paint a picture that non bloggers don’t get to convey. I’m so proud of you, i feel as if we are all a family working towards the bigger goal of separating ourselves from the pact and laying down a foundation that starts from the ground up. we put the walls up, close the doors and we don’t let anyone in or out until its safe. if we didn’t have the sense of community that this blog thrives on we’d have a blog that was filled with individualistic people looking only to better themselves rather than me.

where are we today? we’re at a point where we can only go up. our 1-year plan is ambitious, but I know we have the courage and ignorance to strive for it. it’s not that you guys aren’t smart, interesting, well-rounded individuals. it’s just that your undying devotion to my cause keeps you coming back again and again, day in and day out. the simple solution is this: keep coming. it’s good to come.

I see great things in our future. i see exponential growth, opportunities to explore new, groundbreaking techniques in blogging, really great pictures of me, and lots of witty comments. I really love all your attention, it makes me feel good and that’s whats important.

I may not be the smartest person on my blog but i sure am the best looking and hardest working. you may be intimidated by my superiority and intelligence but goals like that are within reach especially in movies. like the great Michael J. Fox once said “I don’t want people to kick my ass, I just want to get to a point where they can’t kick it.”

Just remember synergy is the driving force behind blogging without it there would be no synergy.

My voicemail was frequently being left messages last week from my psycho fan Mike. He left me terrificly splendid tale on my voicemail because “I’m a guy” and I might understand the magnitude of his story. His story is of how a guy fractured his penis during a romantic evening of bliss. I hope you all enjoy this tale and guys please be careful when having sex!!!

People sometimes go through life without the pleasure of having a stalker or if you’re like me, a famous blogger than you have “Psycho Fans”. This guy is no ordinary “Psycho Fan” he’s become an obsessed “Psycho Fan”. Calling my hot line 619-377-0593 at 4:00 am PST on Sundays, and expressing his undying love for the band Journey & me.

I’m sharing and promoting my first crazed fan because I feel proud. The kind of proud you feel the first time you see your puppy walk with a leash for the first time! Come feel the pride by watching the video and listening to this crazy fucker!